How to Annoy the Harry Potter Characters
by Moonlight Lantern
Summary: Read this to find out how to annoy characters like Voldemort, Lockhart, Umbridge, and more! Lame summary, I know.
1. How to Annoy Lord Voldemort

**A/N- Hello, everybody! If you're here you should hate all the characters I do. I personally don't think my ideas are very funny, but here's the first chapter! Enjoy!**

**Disclamer: I do not own Harry Potter. J. K. Rowling does.**

_How to Annoy Lord Voldemort_**  
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1. Charm him to grow hair all over his body.

2. Turn his Death Eaters against him.

3. Turn all his clothes pink.

4. Put a permanent tattoo that can't be removed by magic of a lightning bolt on his forehead.

5. Crucio him when he's not looking.

6. Call him Moldyshorts.

7. Ask him if he's an albino.

8. Cal him 'that hairless noseless albino guy with a stupid snake and a bunch of insane followers' in public

9. When he kills someone, act like his mommy and spank him.

10. Paralyze him, then kick him in the private part.

11. Summon an invisible rebounding charm around you, then apparate in front of him.

12. On April Fools Day, drop a stinkbomb on his head.

13. Hug him and say he's cute.

14. Give him pink, fuzzy bunny slippers for his birthday.

15. Steal his wand, break it in 3, then stuff 2 bits up his nose and the other bit in his mouth to prop it open, then Impero him so he takes all his clothes off and dances around naked forever with his nose and mouth still like that.

**A/N- HAHAHAHAHA! Hope you enjoyed it! I already made a draft of the 2nd chapter, _How to Annoy Gilderoy Lockhart_ so it should be up soon. Please review!**


	2. How to Annoy Gilderoy Lockhart

**A/N- Here's up with the 2nd chapter! Same disclamer as last time, I don't own Harry Potter.**

_How to Annoy Gilderoy Lockhart_**  
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1. Charm his wand so it will throw curses at him.

2. Ask if he's related to the annoying orange.

3. Throw his own books at him.

4. Charm his books so they will follow him and hit him on the head.

5. Hit him with a paralyzing charm and set Harry Potter on him.

6. Take his wand away and lock him in a room full of Cornish Pixies.

7. Set Grawp on him.

8. Make his teeth rot.

9. Lock him in a room with a vampire to see if his books were true.

10. Lock him in a room with a ghoul to see if his books were true.

11. Lock him in a room with a banshee to see if his books were true.

12. Lock him in a room with a troll to see if his books were true.

13. Lock him in a room with a hag to see if his books were true.

14. Lock him in a room with a werewolf to see if his books were true.

15. Take away his wand, then charm Cornish Pixies AND his books to bonk him on the head.

**A/N- The next chapter will be _How to Annoy Dolores Umbridge. _It should have more than just 15 ways to annoy her because I HATE HER SO MUCH! Please review!**


	3. How to Annoy Dolores Umbridge

**A/N- Welcome back, everyone! This chapter is about annoying Umbridge. As I said in the last chapter, I will be making more than 15 ways to annoy her.**

**Reviewers:**

**EverydayMagic17: I can't introduce Lockheart or Umbridge to Aragog because they don't know about him. But I will take your 2nd idea, though. Thanks.**

**Circus Spy: Sorry, I can only do 15 each person (unless it's Umbridge).**

_How to Annoy Umbridge Dumbridge_**  
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__1. Set the centaurs on her.

2. Call her Dumbridge.

3. Imperio her to sing that she adores Harry Potter in front of the whole school. (By EverydayMagic17)

4. Break her wand.

5. Transfigure her kitten plates into monster plates.

6. Dye all her clothes black with permanent paint so she can't remove it.

7. Turn her into a pink toad.

8. Accuse her of being half-toad and give her a trial.

9. Charm her to only be able to say "Cornelius Fudge is a stupid idiot with the brain of a muggle rat."

10. Drop her on a pile of hippogriff dung.

11. Take her wand away, then set Hagrid on her with his pink umbrella.

12. Charm her to only be able to say "Ribbit, ribbit, croak."

13. Make her grow 7 feet high, then shrink her to the size if a rabbit and do this over and over again.

14. Strangle her with that stupid bow.

15. Rip up her stupid cardigan.

16. Take away her wand, then set all the muggle-borns on her.

17. Take away her wand, then set all the half-breeds on her.

18. Introduce her to Voldemort. He would think she's so stupid that he would get rid of her.

19. Make her play Quidditch.

20. Stab her with a knife (just a little bit) then drop her on Grawp, who would take her to Hagrid, who would take her to Harry Potter, who would get the whole D.A. to practice spells and jinxes on her.


	4. How to Annoy Cornelius Fudge

**A/N- Welcome back! This chapter is devoted to the Minister of Chocolate! Oops, I mean ANNOYING the Minister of chocolate! Hope you like it!**

**Disclamer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.**

_How to Annoy Minister Fudge with________a lot of_sprinkles and chocolate chips

1. Transfigure his hair into an afro, then take off his hat when he's standing in front of a mirror.

2. Make his hat pink.

3. Send him to Azkaban.

4. Impero him so that he runs crazy all over the Ministry.

5. Set a shocking pink colored dementor on him.

6. Set a bright orange colored dementor on him.

7. Set a laser lemon colored dementor on him.

8. Set a neon green colored dementor on him.

9. Set an electric blue colored dementor on him.

10. Charm his voice so he sounds like an opera singer.

11. Ask him if he wears that bowler hat because he has a huge bald spot on his head.

12. Kick him in the shins.

13. Call him "Minister Chocolate"

14. Make him propose to Umbridge.

15. Transfigure him into a random beach ball, then bewitch it to fly to Russia, randomly catch on fire, and burn a random hole 20 feet deep in the ground.

**A/N- Woot! This chapter took me a really long time to write. At least I'm done with this one. The next chapter should be either Percy or Filch, I don't really know. Please review!**


	5. How to Annoy Argus Filch

**A/N- Welcome back readers! Sorry I haven't updated in a long time but i've been busy with a lot of things I won't tell you. Here's "How to Annoy Argus Filch"!**

_How to Ann__oy Argus Filch_

1. Track mud all over Hogwarts without him seeing and tell him he has to clean it up.

2. Give him a hippogriff for a pet and tell him "You're the caretaker, so be sure to take care of it!"

3. Give him a dragon for a pet and tell him "You're the caretaker, so be sure to take care of it!"

4. Give him a dementor for a pet and tell him "You're the caretaker, so be sure to take care of it!"

5. Call him a hunchback in public.

6. Tell everyone he's a squib.

7. Charm him to lose his hair and then go around calling him 'Baldy'.

8. Insult his cat.

9. Imperio him to dress up like a cool dude and go aroung singing Justin Beiber songs in the Great Hall.

10. Help Fred and George throw Dungballs at him.

11. Copy his Kwikspell letters and gather some people to post them up in all of the House Dormitories.

12. Throw a Dungball at his you-know-what. Make sure it hits the target!

13. Kill his cat. Better than that, petrify it!

14. Set a Basilisk on him.

15. Hex him so that he thinks that he looks so pretty, but he is actually really ugly.

**A/N- I am so sorry! I haven't posted in soooooooo long, cause I started school and now I have to worry about homework and reading and so much other stuff. I will try to post more often, as I am also now obsessed with Minecraft. 4 weeks ago I had no idea of what it was! Forgive me readers, I am very ****very ****_very_ **sorry!


	6. How to Annoy Severus Snape

**A/N- Hello again, folks! Today I will be posting a new chapter called _How to Annoy Severus Snape._ I haven't been adding new chapters for a while, and I'm determined to make it up. I think that Draco Malfoy (aka ****Blondie Boy**) will be coming up next. I might even start on it tomorrow!

_How to Annoy Severus Snape_**  
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1. Call him "Greasehead".

2. Throw bars of soap at him.

3. Give him shampoo for his birthday.

4. Lock him in a washroom with 9999999999999999999999999999 bottles of soap.

5. Dunk him in the bathtub.

6. Call him "Dumbledore's Pet".

7. Have him do his own homework.

8. Mess up in potions class, then tell him that his presence must be what caused it to go wrong.

9. Throw his own potions at him.

10. Stick your wand up his nose.

11. Have him sing a duet with Umbridge in front of the whole school.

12. Put him in a room with his potions, Neville, Ron, and Goyle. Watch what happens through one of those unbreakable windows.

13. When he's eating in the Great Hall, drop the chandelier on him.

14. Give him a "little talk" about rainbows and unicorns and flowers. Lecture him for 3 hours or until he gets pissed off.

15. Drop him off a tower and then catch him. Next, throw him in the lake with the Giant Squid. Then ask Harry Potter to tango in front of him while eating popcorn.

**A/N- Whew! Another chapter done! I hope you enjoyed this one. If you did, please click that review button below. Thank you readers!**


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